Friday Feature: Apple Help Desk.

Q: I have a MacBook that seems to be having battery issues.  The battery runs out in about an hour, and sometimes it'll report 50% full, then go into sleep mode with a dead batttery.  Is there anything I can do besides shelling out for a new battery?

A:  There's a number of things you can do.  First off, recalibrate your battery by charging it to 100%, then letting it drain until it goes into Safe Sleep.  Turn off the MacBook, plug it into the charger, then let it charge to 100% again.  If that doesn't work, try resetting the SMC controller by turning off the MacBook, removing the battery, and holding down the power switch for 5 seconds.  Then replace the battery and turn the MacBook back on.

Q:  So... that's it?  

A: Yeah. Simple, huh?

Q:  Well, it's not that.  I mean, I could have gotten that info off the Applecare support site.  It's just, you know...

A: What?

Q:  I thought you were going to be funny.

A:  Funny? Why? I'm just trying to help you fix a Mac, that's all. 

Q:  Oh, I mean, I appreciate it, but... I don't know...

A:  Whatever.  I can't just solve your computer problems.  Now I have to be funny while I do it.

Q:  No. No.  I mean...

A:  Just get out of here.  I can't even look at you anymore.